Today is my sixtieth birthday. Gosh. It came so quickly. I don't know what I am supposed to feel like. I don't feel 60, but then again, maybe I do. Never been here before. Just about 2 years ago I started this blog as an outlet for my grief over losing my dad and for expressing the feelings of complete overwhelm as my mom and brother got sick, too, and it felt like the whole family collapsed on my shoulders, long-distance to boot. It has evolved a lot since then and so have I.
Like "they" say, everything happens for a reason and boiled down even further...things happen. You either roll with them and spin out when you can or they can crush you...that's my theory. After dusting myself off, tending to a few bruises and dents, I began to get a handle on my new role and it gave me a lot of insight into what makes me tick. I hadn't even thought about those personal fundamentals in a long time.
No matter how crazy life would get, I decided that the march towards 60 would be my "journey to peace". Because I felt dealt the hand of chaos for so many years and that hand didn't seem to be likely to change any time soon, I looked at "peace" as the goal. It sounded perfect...luscious. Almost as decadent as chocolate cake. I planned to arrive at my sixtieth birthday with both cake and a completely peaceful state of mind in hand.
Did I? No. And, that's a good thing.
Had I arrived and awakened today having "done it"...what would I do next? Instead, I am grateful that I am still hungry and "on it"...still on a trail that is fluid and still in the process of discovery. It gives me great peace to learn what excites, creates and defines me and what will give me the ooompf to hit 70-80-90, maybe even 100 still curious, still believing that the glass is half full instead of half empty, still in love with the "human race"...no matter what.
When I started this I wasn't really sure what "peace" meant to me. Yes, it means the love of family and friends, great health for us and the environment, compassionate eating, cruelty-free food and personal care goodies, cuddles from pets and kindness "just because"...all the things I love to share here on this blog.
Morning awakens over my Favorite Bay
When a new day dawns and Mother Earth sees me, I would love to think she says, "Oh, great. You are up!"
But, peace for me is not all softness, light and harmony. It has depth, even a little bit of darkness. My peace in its heart has a wild side, a movement, a march. Hey...maybe that is why I was born a water sign, in the wild month of March...and in mid-month to boot. Maybe, I am only halfway there. Hope so. Hey, I am only 60. Yippee!
And now, I am going to go dig into the new year and into that piece of cake...